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Okay, so these days are getting harder and easier, all at once!
The first thing that was difficult for me to accept was that I needed to heal. To that end, I’ve done some healing sessions for myself about loneliness. I've realised that even when I was married and theoretically less alone, I had a terrible habit of numbing in the form of watching far too much television and eating too much. What I've realised is that having someone in the room with me just isn’t enough.
What I'm aching for is a deep soul connection. To be heard and seen for who I am. I've done some inner child work and some lifeline sessions in the past two days to process this. For those of you who don't know lifeline - its an amazing technique that can help shift very deep subconscious sabotaging that goes on and bring us to a higher and more aligned vibration. These practices have helped me to realise that while I don't have my soul partner, yet, I am connected to the feelings and emotions of being in a meaningful relationship. And it makes me so excited for the future.
So how am I connected to those emotions if I haven't found “him”? Well, I've had an amazing past few years, where, through personal challenge and growth, I have connected with the most loving, amazing, thoughtful and supportive friends I could ever hope for. These people have shown me what it's like to have a real, deep soul connection with someone where you can be genuinely seen and heard. And I haven't had to apologize for being myself.
We are truly connected on a soul level, and they know that they can come to me about anything and vice versa. I also know that if I was in a relationship, there is a very good chance I wouldn't have developed these friendships. And it gives me hope, that now that I have experienced what it really feels like to have this type connection with people, that I will also attract that in a partner.
In addition to all of the meditation classes and work I do connecting to higher self, I feel that for the first time, I have started to see and hear myself! I don’t do it all the time yet, but certainly a lot more than ever before. So between the two I realise, even in the space of writing this blog, that I already have what I'm looking for! And also some awareness now (thanks universe) for why I've been single for such a long time.
I've also realised that connection is a major part of what keeps me happy and as an extrovert I love having people around me. So the solution? Try and do more things with other people. Exercise, sewing, cups of tea. Anyone free Mondays???
Whoa. Pretty deep for someone who has just stopped watching TV for a week. As my friend said when she stopped numbing; the depth of awareness and shift in perspective for her was massive. So I guess I should have been prepared for this too. I think the challenging thing moving forward, will be to make these changes permanent. Old habits die hard, as they say, so as exciting as these revelations are, I still have a mountain to climb.
And I can see already it’s going to be really hard. Even as I was writing the last blog I realised I'd been sitting with my sick child on top of me for two hours, feeling exceptionally thirsty and desperately wanting a relaxing bath! I had done neither, just "waiting" for the right time to go and do both. Then I realised, the challenge was, to listen all the time and not when I think the time is right or better. So I put her down, had a long cool drink of water and then, I had that bath! It actually made a massive difference! To my mood, how I felt about myself, and also about how I felt about looking after my daughter.
I know there are some people out there who think that is an incredibly selfish way to be. But let me say this. In the last two days I've been more patient, kind, loving and happy with my children than I have for a very long time. I've got more time for them, more energy for them and more ability to listen to what they have to say. And I am not pretending to be patient. I actually have been. I haven't been thinking about the other things I have to get done, or what I'm not doing for myself, because I've already done that.
Putting yourself first doesn't mean that no one gets a look in. For me its the difference between being showered and sated before I read my children a bedtime story. Or getting their help to put their things away so I can wash up instead of doing everything. Or actually stepping outside and having a few deep breaths of fresh air rather than sweeping the floor. All the other stuff can wait. Our happiness can't. If we can teach our children how to hold strong boundaries and put ourselves first with self-love and connection, what a great gift we are giving them.
It's a work in progress, but I feel like I'm onto something here...
We all have our vices. I know this as well as anyone. For me over the years it has moved from over-eating to over-exercising to drinking too much, sleeping too much and the list goes on. It’s taken a long time for me to face up to it, but most of these have been changed. I no longer eat wheat, dairy, sugar, drink alcohol (except special occasions and then not much), I meditate every day and I exercise when I can. But I do still have a rather large and devastating vice that has stayed in place and not budged. At all. Ever.
And I’ve been wondering for a while, why do we do this? When we clearly know (or have become aware of) things that aren’t healthy for us, why do we keep doing them?
The only conclusion I have come up with is that we are numbing. This is more common than we think. The reason? A break from the incessant, overwhelming and stressful brain chatter that we endure each day. It’s the reason why more and more people are moving towards yoga, meditation, career changes and tree-changes.
Especially living in cities like Sydney and Canberra which are expensive and busy. We are in this ever-increasing spiral of working harder, doing more, getting more tired and trying to achieve the impossible. So after a long day’s work, cooking, tidying, perhaps getting kids to bed and any other tasks that need to be done, what do we do? Do we sit and have meaningful conversations or meditate? Do we spend time connecting to ourselves and our needs? Well, I certainly haven’t been. I’ve been participating in a time-honoured tradition for my family, that is damaging in so many ways; I watch TV. Not occasionally, not for special events, but every night. Without fail. For hours.
Why? Because I spend so much time looking after children, households, shopping, working, admin, running around, travelling for work, dealing with tantrums, a lack of sleep and more. I deserve a break don’t I?
The problem is though, my cycle of doing everything, feeling stressed and overwhelmed doesn’t change. And what I can’t cope with today, only gets put off until tomorrow.
What I’ve known for years (but until now have ceased to actually take action on) is that all I am doing is numbing. We all do it in our own individual ways. It can be via eating too much, spending excess time on Facebook or trawling the internet, drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, taking drugs. In each and every case though we are doing the same thing – avoiding being alone with ourselves and dealing with our over-complicated lives.
And for good reason. It can be scary to look deeply at our lives. I’m no stranger to delving into many different aspects of my life, shifting, working through and changing my perceptions and my attractor field. However, I still have this last nasty habit hanging around. And I call it a nasty habit because the idea of not having it is actually scary.
In this 2015 energy, as people who know me well hear me say: This is the year to start breaking these habits. We need to get off the merry-go-round of things that don’t serve us and try something different.
A good friend of mine recently quit sugar and told me it was her final numbing agent. She had removed it, after years of being alcohol and caffeine free, and the depths of self-discovery for her were huge. So I got to thinking. If she could have this massive shift in self-discovery from removing this final hurdle, what would happen if I removed mine?
The challenge to myself? Having a week without TV at all. This may be nothing to some of you but to me it’s huge. And no, I’m not crazy. I’m not about to throw it out and burn it. But as anyone with an addiction needs to do, I am going to take it one small step at a time.
I anxiously (and excitedly) await the results. What will I allow in when that (actually rather large) space is created.
And my question to you is: How do you numb? What are you doing to avoid yourself? And are you ready to join me in my Week Free Of….. Challenge?
Yours in Health
Join me on Facebook if you want to journey with me while we enter this era of self-discovery!
The most interesting thing I discover in my daily work is how little what we do physically affects how we look.
Our health is an intricate combination of not only our physical body but also our biochemistry (how our body chemicals work in the body); our emotions and also our energetic signature (our chi, prana, our "attractor field"). Each part forms part of what is called the "triad of health". Each part of the triad can both positively and negatively affect all the other parts.
For example, when we have an emotional issue in our lives which stress us in any way this can affect all other areas of our health. This includes how we stand (our posture changes significantly depending on how we feel about ourselves); how we speak, how we think and feel and therefore our overall energetic signature.
Our energetic signature or vibration is also our attractor field. How we vibrate determines what we then attract to ourselves.
For example, if our vibration was in fear, our heads often drop, our shoulders sit forward and our diaphragm (the muscle at the bottom of our ribcage that moves when we breathe) tends to get squashed. When this happens, we get less oxygen to our body and our body becomes more acidic. When we become more acidic we then start craving more sugar, caffeine and other addictive substances. As we continue to become more acidic we tend to have develop fungus and parasites in our body which further drop our immune system. When our immune system is dropped and our body is acidic we can also suffer from cloudy thinking, tiredness, itchy and dry skin, and anxiety and depression. In this state we are more likely to make bad choices for our body including eating foods that don't serve us at times that our body doesn't like (A McDonalds run at 11pm is a prime example of this!). When all of this compounds we then tend to gain weight, or stop eating altogether just to survive.
The trick to changing all of this is to stop that negative spiral by working on the EMOTIONAL CAUSE. Whether you are in fear because of a change in relationship, work situation or a family member causing you stress, your weight gain or reduced health your body will react accordingly and your health will deteriorate.
So if you are eating "all the right things" and doing "all the right exercise" but still can't get to their ideal weight perhaps you will think twice before beating yourself up about the extra piece of cake you ate and start looking at the rest of your life to see what may have been the trigger.
Often by coming to terms with and dealing with your emotional stress it can be all your body needs to actually reach your ideal weight.